Hello my Lovelies, 🙂
long time no see. I f*cked it up. Sorry for the harsh words but to be honest, I haven’t any nice words to say about it. Normally, I had written two blog posts per week and I missed writing for nearly eight weeks. What happened in my life?
Well, I try to remember it. Everything started to get chaotic and out of rhythm with Maya’s operation. I think that I wrote about it. I was so worried and I stopped journaling during that time, too. At the same time, my confidience ran low because of a lot of thoughts in my head. The steady worries about my little pug, my work, finding something new, dealing with money problems and my depression was too much.
After Maya was getting better, my husband got ill. He refused to go to the doctor because, in his words, he wasn’t really ill. Well, after 10 days he got better but I got ill. I had an angina which I hadn’t had in years and – wtf – that was heavy. I didn’t go to the doctor either because I had just three days at work and then I had a week off. It was a horrible decision. During my days off, I tried to recover, and rest, and, up to a certain point, it worked.
My emotional stress didn’t get smaller either. Meanwhile, the gardening season had started and so I started to tidy up our front garden. It was tough because the soil hadn’t been really reworked in years and there was so much weed. The front garden isn’t really big but there were so many roots and weed. It was horrible. After I had worked through this little place, I couldn’t move my fingers anymore. Well, maybe that was a bit exaggerated. Nonetheless, I learnt it the hard way because I had this troubles with my hands.
Gardening helped me to reduce some of the stress. Unfortunately, the emotional insecurity was and is still at my side. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to deal with depression and anxiety. I wish that I didn’t have to deal with these dark moments. I wish I had a life without these worries.
I know that my emotional stress strengthened my physical pains. To be honest, I hate this feeling.
During all this time I lost track. I didn’t journal, I didn’t blog and I wasn’t on any social media. It was strange because I didn’t miss it. I didn’t miss my studio. I lost a little bit of myself. Journaling and blogging were always very important to me and I loved my habbit/routine.
Social media is hard for me because I am not a huge content creator or photographer. Fun fact: I love taking pictures and I think that I take up to three pictures a day. But I don’t like to share them with the world. That sounds idiotic, right? Social media sometimes isn’t the best place for me. I see all the beautiful, nearly perfect, pictures and I feel such a pressure to create such photos myself as well, but to be honest, I like my photos but they aren’t like the pictures on Instagram. I don’t like to put a lot of filters on them. My photos don’t have the perfect light or the picture isn’t very well balanced. No, it is just my understanding of beauty and I know that a lot of people don’t share it. Don’t know why I am so worried. It‘s so stupid, isn’t it?
Three weeks ago Maya started to cough. It was really bad so we went to the vet again and she had a laryngitis. Our vet gave us some medicine and she told us that Maya needed weekly check ups because the laryngitis could become a pneumonia. 😦 The first five days were the worst but it was getting better. Since last monday Maya hasn’t been sick anymore.
In the last five weeks I had some job interviews. I met a lot of great people and if everythings will be fine, I will have a new job in autumn. That would be great. But I have to wait until I get the official confirmation. It will be a great change for me. I will learn new things, broaden my mind and meet new people. So I can develop myself which I really appreciate. 🙂
A couple of days ago, Maya had a wound between her toes. So she bled and we needed to give her first aid. Luckily, she can walk and now everything is fine again. To be honest, I had some worries that we had to go to the vet yet again. I had the feeling that I was worring all the time.
Even today, my head is full of worries and concerns and it wouldn’t stop. But I know it has to stop. I am so sorry, that I didn’t come back and bring you great news.
My husband asked me if I would like to continue blogging or if I would like to give up. Honestly, last week I wasn’t quite sure. Not because I didn’t enjoy blogging. No, it was that I had been away from writing for a long time so I was afraid that I had lost my flow.
Today, I think I will continue blogging. I even started journaling again and I think I have some interesting products which I would like to review for you.
And if you are interested, I will review some non-stationery-related products, too. 😉 I have some interesting books, some Lego and other clamp stone projects as well as the development of my garden. I even try to incorporate my new hobbies into journaling. I think of a new journal just for gardening and the progress of my garden, and a second one just for my other hobbies.
So stay tuned. Because I’m finally back.
Wisdom of the Day: Don’t let your worries win. (I’m still working on it, though.)
Just stay safe and healthy!
Love to you all,
Your Evil Journalista