Hello my Lovelies 🙂
how is your weekend? Are you enjoying life (which I hope you can in this troubled times)? Is there anything you need from me like a kind word? I’ll be there for you. So grab your favourite drink and if you like something to eat, and let’s talk about everything that’s on your mind.
So come to me and sit down on my sofa. 🙂 It’s the new one and yes it is the comfy blue over there. 😉 Well, I haven’t got a table for it, so please be aware to put your empty cup onto the floor.
Right, let’s talk about random stuff 🙂
OK, let’s start with a topic I haven’t talked about for a while. Well, since the pandemic I didn’t shop a lot. To be honest the prices for shipping are extremely high and it takes such a longe time because of that I think twice about it before I shop. There are just three things with I allow myself to buy: Zenpop Box, Cecile Cafe and Rainbowholic as Patreon Support. I’m still hoping that one day it will be back to normal like two years ago and I could shop without any doubts. Do you shop regularly?
On the other side, I think that I have a lot of these goodies at home. Well, no one can use nearly 700 rolls of washi at once, right? 😀 I think I will try to reduce my shopping and use the products which I currently have at home.
As you may remember, we planned some plant stones for our herb garden. We learnt that we need a plan B for this little project. One of these stones weighs 34 kilograms (around 64 pounds). Nope, I didn’t forget a point between the numbers. They are so heavy… too heavy. My husband had an operation nearly two years ago because he did oneself an injury so I don’t want him to lift such heavy things.
I’m thinking maybe a little planting bed made out of wood would be a great alternative.
Yesterday I removed older bushes which grew quite wildly. I call this part of the garden as my „little place of disgrace“. There were those bushes and a lot of weed. I discovered that there were a lot of smaller and bigger rocks underneath the weed. Next steps will be that I will remove the soil and check how many stones there really are.
I started a picture as a new project but it has been in progress for nearly four weeks. I’m stuck. Every time I would like to take time for watercolouring I have other things to do. Well, my time management isn’t the best at the moment. I have some difficulties to manage my to dos during the day.
I mean, my workload is quite good but the time after work, there I have troubles to deal with. I would like to have time to watercolour or to journal at the weekends but I haven’t.
OK, stop! I can’t write like I would feel alright today. Actually I’m not ok. It’a not a good day for me because my depression and my anxiety are quite present at the moment. My tinnitus is loud as well. I think that my mental problems push my tinnitus. It’s tough. I can’t tell you why today is a bad day. I went out of bed and realized that my depression said hello. My husband and I have deal when I feel depressed then I describe my depression in form of a dog breed. That way I let him know how big my mental problem is. Today the size is a St. Bernard. That is really huge because normally it isn’t that present. Normally it is like a puppy Chihuahua. I call him Bob. Bob is there but really, really quiet, he doesn’t bark or does anything.
My anxiety pushes my depression. It is like a cheerleader who likes to support the favourite football team. It is great for them but quite bad for me. So it seemed that my Tinnitus is the party music for both of them. It is the type of party you don’t really enjoy because there is nobody you know, you don’t like the food or the drinks, and the conversations suck as well. Today I’m the special guest there. And I don’t like it.
I tried to escape, so I sat in my studio with an open window. I started blogging but I got stuck really fast… after the first sentence, actually. So I decided to look outside and try to calm down. It helped for a couple of minutes. After that it started all over again. It is like a downward spiral.
At that point I would grab a pen and start journaling, unfortunately I won’t do it because I don’t want to. Even something like watching a movie, I don’t want to do that either.
Today I literally try to survive and just be, nothing more and nothing less.
I’m very sorry for today and that because of my depression, there isn’t any wisdom for today.
Love to you all and stay safe in every way,
Your Evil Journalista Chrissi